JULIE'S JOURNEY

Who Needs Mistletoe?

2011-11-07T19:14:00.001-06:00

Why now? Why did I decide to record a Christmas project in the summer of 2011? I’ve been asked this question now a few times so I thought I could better explain the birth of “Who Needs Mistletoe” in a blog.

It’s kinda funny because over the past year, I’ve had a hard time changing my thinking on when and when not to start new albums. Being an independent artist now, I can record anything I want and when I want. I had always been under the thinking that I could only record when I was told I could. The only things that I now have to consider before beginning a new project are my bank account and my schedule.

Since I released “Alive” early this summer, Jason Collum (my producer, co-writer, band leader) has been trying to make the concept of “I can do whatever I want” stick in my head. It took a while to stick, but it finally did. He suggested a Christmas project during the making of “Alive” and I pretended to listen but just nodded my head and shut it out of my mind. I was of the mindset that I needed to focus on my new album and not even think about the next one.

But one day I kept thinking about it, so I decided to mention it on facebook to all of you. I think I even said something along the lines of “I’m thinking of recording a Christmas project one day, what do y’all think?” All I needed to hear was one of you say it was a great idea and after that, it was a great idea to me.

I told Jason I was ready to start the project and he suggested I write one song for the EP and I said ok. It took he and me several times of getting together to write anything because it was in the middle of summer and I just couldn’t get into the Christmas spirit when it was 100 plus degrees outside. I think I even once said, “Jason we can’t write a new Christmas song because everything has been written.” He never gave up on my creativity or the idea of us writing a new song for this project.

Finally, Jason and I got together once more to attempt writing a Christmas song and he said the hook, “Who Needs Mistletoe, I’d rather be under you.” It made me laugh and I knew that was our idea. He had mentioned it to me weeks before but I often half-ass listen to Jason and I thank God that day I was listening and paying close attention that day. Haha!! He is not offended by my selective hearing, I am just always thinking about so many things when we are together working. He’s constantly saying to me, “What are you thinking about?” The only time I am really tuned in fully is when we are recording!!! I’m working on getting better at that though!!

So, after I told Jason I loved that Idea, we found a melody we liked for the song and the lyrics just started pouring out of both of us. It obviously needed to be a sexy song so I just pictured me sitting on a man’s lap while he was dressed up like Santa and it was easy to tell the rest of the story!! We pretty much finished the song in one day and knew it would be on the EP and we would call it “Who Needs Mistletoe”.

After we wrote that song, Jason and I got together a few more times to talk about the rest of the songs that we would record for the EP. We talked about so many songs that I loved. It was tough deciding which ones would be right for me and for this project. So, what we did was make a really long list of songs that I loved and then we got out a guitar and sang through them. The ones that felt most comfortable and most like me were the ones we decided to record. We decided to do 7 songs because it’s the perfect number!! J

Next in the process, we decided the instrumentation of each song. We disagree quite a bit on this part of the process because we both have different ideas of what we think each song should say through the production. We always openly listen to each other’s ideas and normally, it’s very clear whose idea is the best. In the process, we decide which instruments should take the lead and which should take the background. We also talk about background vocals and which songs need them and which don’t. No matter what we decide in these meetings, it always changes when we get into the studio and start working. For example, we initially did not have background vocals on “Pretty Paper” or “Away In A Manger”. I suggested to Jason that I would try some, so we did, and they worked.

This project was interesting because I sang all the vocals over a time period of few days. We both stepped away from them for a little bit. After a while, I listened to what we had recorded and decided after listening, that I didn’t like any of my vocal performances and wanted to record them all over. I hesitantly told Jason and he said ok. Our challenge at this point was finding the studio time to re-sing the vocals. We were on a deadline to get the music to mixing and mastering at a certain time. We also had a date to get the mastered music to the printers by in order for me to have something to put on the website for sale by November 1. We found a few nights that the studio was available and we re-sang every vocal. I explained to Jason that I hope everyone listens to this EP for many years to come and I wanted it to be exactly how I wanted it to be. He definitely understood and after a few late nights, I was excited to listen to my songs!!

After we finished the vocals, we took it to our mixing engineer, Jimmy Jernigan. Jimmy mixed “Alive” so he knew how I preferred the tracks and vocals to sound. This was probably the easiest part of the entire process.

Then, we took it to Tommy Dorsey for mastering. Mastering took about a week and finally I was more than ecstatic about how my new music sounded.

Throughout this entire process, I was speaking with Douglas Boultinghouse on a daily basis about how I wanted the album artwork to look. Douglas is so amazing; all I needed to say to him was, “I just want it to look classy, feminine, and to find a look that never gets old.” Meaning, it looks like a classic country album in 25 plus years. Then, Douglas took those ideas and ran with them!! He is such a brilliant designer and I believe he created exactly what I was looking for, not only for my album cover, but also for my brand new website, my Facebook page, and my twitter page. (Thanks again Douglas).

After all decisions were made for the album artwork, the music, and all the licenses were obtained (Michelle Schreiber helped with that), we were ready to send the album to the printers!!

Dropping off a project to the printing company is exciting but I always tend to feel a little lost afterwards. I had just spent long day after long day making this album and now I had to wait for it to print!! That was a long few weeks to wait but I finally got them back and I haven’t stopped smiling yet.

During the wait time, I thought of special packages that we could sell on the website for the Christmas season. We again called Douglas and he helped us design the page on the website for the packages. I LOVE how they turned out!!

I am coming up on a week since the release and I am having the time of my life signing all your CDs!! I also love making lots of trips to the post office! Thank you so much for all of your support. If you haven’t ordered one yet, don’t forget I will sign them for you and mail them to you ASAP!! Also, take a look at my packages on www.julieroberts.com. I am so excited about the packages because they give you a chance to get a little of everything!!

“Who Needs Mistletoe” is a project I’ve wanted to record my entire life. I’ve always wanted to make a Christmas project. So much thought and time went into every single part of the production of this record. I hope you enjoy it and that it brings you and your family joy for many Christmas’s to come!! Merry Christmas y’all!!

Track Listing:

1. Blue Christmas

2. Who Needs Mistletoe

3. Pretty Paper

4. I’ll Be Home For Christmas

5. O Holy Night

6. Away In A Manger

7. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Musicians that played on "Who Needs Mistletoe"...

Dan Agee - acoustic, electric guitar

Jason Collum - acoustic guitar, drumsm percussion

Mason Embry - keyboards, Wurlitzer, rhodes

Michael Rinne - acoustic bass

Mike Ulvila - dobro, mandolin, background vocals

Julie Roberts – background vocals

NASHVILLE PRISON VISIT

2011-08-10T21:14:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning with two dogs sleeping next to me. I had car keys waiting for me to grab, gas in my car to get me to the trails I run, and Kashi cereal and milk for breakfast before I left for my prison visit.

I didn’t mention that I wore a bright yellow shirt today, I had makeup to go on my face, nice tennis shoes to put on with my fairly new blue jeans, and a cheap hair tie to pull my hair back in a ponytail.

Oh yeah, I chewed cinnamon Orbit chewing gum and drank vitamin water zero on my drive to the prison while I listened to the radio and talked on my IPhone. I am so blessed.

NASHVILLE PRISON VISIT
PART 1

I just walked in from my prison visit and I’m thinking about these women I just saw and I’m thinking about me. Yes, they are behind bars because they committed or have been charged with committing some sort of a crime, but they are human and have a heart that needs to be loved just like I do.

I was thinking about all of the things that I have in my life. All of the things I noted above are just things from my every day life that I often take for granted. It takes experiences like the one I had this morning to remind me that the Kashi cereal, the vitamin water, the car I drive, and the cheap hair tie I wear are gifts to me. These women walk into the Bible study in their blue or orange jumpsuits with nothing but their ID number and their Bibles. They also walk in with lonely hearts, but more often than not, are ready to hear the good word and be reminded that they have a second chance in this life. These women are mothers, sisters, daughters, wives, girlfriends, etc. Most have been dealt a difficult path from the very beginning of their lives. They have faced all kinds of abuse, have had drug/alcohol addictions, and have lived/worked on the streets for long periods of time. Each woman has a different story and every prison I visit, I eagerly wait for her to open up to me about her pain so that I can hopefully choose a song that might help her know she is not going through this life alone. My hope is that when I leave the prison, they know that they always have God and they always have people praying for them to find their purpose. And, that while they are in there, they find healing in the silence of those four walls that they now call home. I pray that through that silence, they are able to hear the positive voices that were once covered up by the voice of sin and that they can learn to live their lives according to the law of God and the law of God is only love.

I sit in amazement as these women so boldly volunteer to read the scripture out loud to the group. Tears come to my eyes when I hear them struggle over how to pronounce words like “capture” and “spiritual”. I wonder why I was afforded to be educated and these women were left to find their way on the streets.

In this moment, I am also reminded how fortunate I am that I had an amazing Mother to guide me in making the right decisions so that I am not behind those prison walls. If Mama had not been my guide and loved me so unselfishly, who’s to say I wouldn’t have made the same mistakes these women have made. Most of them have been searching the streets most of their lives for that unselfish love and most have come up short. Today, I came to the revelation once again that they are not that different from me and that’s why I feel it’s my purpose to get out of the bed on Saturday morning and go sing to them.

PART 2

The prison is divided into sections called “pods”. Different pods hold different types of inmates. Some inmates are awaiting trial for serious charges, some inmates are just waiting to be transferred to another prison, and some are in a particular pod because they are all going through a drug/alcohol rehabilitation program.

The pod we went into today is one I’ve been to before and we actually meet in their kitchen. You would have no idea this room was a kitchen unless someone told you because there is no stove, no refrigerator and no sink. There are only tables where the women’s meals are prepared and distributed. I am assuming that’s what happens on these tables but I’ve never been there at “chow” time so I don’t know for sure. The kitchen also has a strong scent of Comet or Ajax or bleach…I couldn’t really pin point the exact origin of the smell.

Nonetheless, this room has some of the best acoustics for singing that I have ever experienced in my life. I didn’t have a guitar or instrument but I had the walls of this prison kitchen that carried my songs into even one of the other pods. I don’t think it’s any accident that we have Bible study in that kitchen. It’s the most perfect place; these women are being nourished by the word of God in a kitchen!! I feel strongly that God wants the women to hear the words to these songs and these particular walls provide an ambient sound reminiscent of the old records I love. You know the ones where they placed a microphone in the middle of a room and everyone just played and sang and they captured all of the room noise and the sounds kind of echoed off the walls? Well, that’s what this room was like.

For security purposes, I cannot bring a guitar or any type of instrument in the prison. So today, I printed out the lyrics for both “Somebody Does” and “Stronger” to take to the women. I wanted them to be able to keep the words to my songs after I left. Then, they could refer back to them if they wanted/needed to.

I passed out the words to the songs and asked everyone to look at “Somebody Does”. The women had just been talking about how they feel alone and so ashamed of the reasons they are behind bars. One inmate told us about her son that was about to enter college. She smiled the biggest smile in the world when she spoke of him. She is so proud of him, but she is dealing with the fact that he is not proud that she is his mother. She cried as she told us how much she missed him and how she hasn’t heard from him since she was locked up. She has attempted to write to him but he will not acknowledge her.

The group talked about her situation for a while and when we were finished I told them that no matter how alone they feel, there’s someone out there that’s praying for them and hoping for a second chance for them and for the life they’ve always dreamed about having. Then, I started to sing “Somebody Does”. I wrote this song for my own reasons but as I was singing it, I felt like I wrote it for each one of them. They never looked up at me or made eye contact with me but I could see they were listening because tears streamed down the face of each woman.

I watched the women for most of the song but had to look away when I could feel that I was about to lose it too. I didn’t want to mess this song up. I wanted them to hear every word, so I did my best to hold it together. When we were finished one woman said, “I know I’m going to hear that song again one day. Thank you so much for that.”

I don’t know if I have ever enjoyed singing that song so much as I did today in the prison. It took on a whole new meaning for me that made it so special. Now when I sing that song, I will always think about that kitchen and those tears. “Somebody Does” now has a deeper purpose for me.

Finally, one of the other inmates told the group that she felt like she just couldn’t take it anymore in there. She felt almost like she was losing her mind a bit in her prison cell. She said all she could do was cry and sleep. Her story led me to ask them to look at the lyrics for “Stronger”. I sang that song, we held hands, said The Lord’s Prayer, hugged each other goodbye and the women walked back to their cells and I headed towards the front gates.

On my way out of the kitchen, a woman named Georgia from another pod came out and said “I heard you in their singing and I loved that song. Will y’all come back and pray with our side too one day?” I told her that we would definitely try and that I would remember her in my prayers. Those kitchen walls carried that song all the way in there. That was work from above.

PART 3

As I walked out of the prison, I walked through so many secured doors. Each had to be unlocked by different guards from that particular area of the prison. On our way out, we also walked by the showers and I could see a guard standing outside the shower watching over each woman as she bathed. That broke my heart.

Then, I walked back to the front and was given back my driver’s license and all of my belongings. As I walked out the glass door to the prison it began to pour down rain. I ran in the rain to my car and freedom never felt so great to me. The rain was so perfect. It was like I was washed clean in the rain…almost like a baptismal.

I left with a heart full of hope today. I hope those women find peace and that they feel love in their lives. I also left with a confirmation to myself. I am definitely living my purpose on this earth. I am meant to sing at fairs, festivals, theatres, listening rooms, churches, bars, clubs, arenas, and prisons. I am meant to take my music everywhere and I hope that it reaches whoever might need it that day. I am very blessed to know my purpose and I thank you all on this page for all of your support. That support allows me to do this each and every single day.

God Bless You!!

WALLS ARE COMING DOWN!!!

2011-04-12T16:13:00.000-05:00

I haven’t written a blog in what seems like forever to me. I have been struggling on what to write about and I didn’t just want to write about something that didn’t matter to me. I have even found myself asking those closest to me what I should blog about and my dear friend Patti just kept telling me, “It will come to you girl, when it’s supposed to.” And, she’s right, it finally came to me tonight.

As most of you know, I spent part of my week last week in Charlotte, NC and part of it in Texas filming a new video. I chose a week ago to drive to Charlotte vs flying to Charlotte. I chose that for a few reasons but the main reason being is I like the alone time being in a car for 7-8 hours gifts me. I use that time to listen to music, develop song ideas, talk to God, and just think about my life. So many people ask me why I make that long drive alone, and they all try to talk me out of it, but I truly love it.

On my drive to Charlotte last week, I spent quite a bit of time with my new record that you will all have in your hands soon!! I made mental notes of things to change, instruments to add/delete, and even tried deciding what sequence the songs should appear on the album. As I listened to the new album, I began to think back on the times I spent recording my first two albums. I realized I remembered every detail of my days, nights, and all the time I spent making my first record. I can even tell you what meals we ate at the studio and that was almost 8 years ago now. I enjoyed every single minute of my life during that process. It was my dream & everything I’d always hoped for!!!

Then, I began to think about my “Men & Mascara” album and couldn’t remember that much about it. For some reason, I blocked out that period of time from my mind and I was struggling to recover those details on my drive. Probably no one but my Mama knows this, but I haven’t even listened to that album in over a year. When anyone asks me about that record, I just say “it didn’t do as well as my first one but I’m working on my third one that’s very much like my first one.” I even realized I have stopped singing songs from that album. My sweet fan John A. asks me every writers round show that I do to play, “First To Never Know”, & I just cant bring myself to sing it and I WROTE the song.

Somewhere between the release of my debut album & the recording of “Men and Mascara”, I lost confidence in who I was as a singer and a person. I worried so much about pleasing other people that I found myself recording music that didn’t represent me as an artist. One song in particular was not honest and I think all that heard it knew it. All of my songs mean something to me but this song did nothing to me emotionally and I was trying to make myself believe that it did. The song was called “Girl Next Door”. My team believed if I recorded that song, that radio would play me a whole bunch. Guess what, they knew it wasn’t honest and didn’t play it. So, I lost all my confidence and thought I couldn’t sing anymore. I thought no one liked my music and that I wouldn’t get on radio anymore, ever. I also began to stop believing in that whole album. Everyone kept saying to me “It’s good but not at all like your first one.” They believed they were so right!

I had so many different circumstances in the recording of my 2^nd album that weren’t present the first time around. First of all, we changed production teams which changed the sound of the record. Second, you know everyone says you have your entire life to record your first one and no time to record the “sophomore” album? Well, it’s true. I recorded one or two days here and there when I was off the road and we pieced it all together to have the finished product called “Men and Mascara”. Throughout the recording process I began taking vocal lessons because I thought that since radio hadn’t latched on to some of my songs that I couldn’t sing anymore. I even went to some radio visits and when they’d ask me to sing live on the air, I would get panic attacks that I hid very well. My guitar players knew what was going on I think because they’d always jump up and play something amazing to hide the fact that I couldn’t even breathe.

Another circumstance that I was dealing with when recording my 2^nd album was I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It all started when I was on the road touring for my first album. I’d be in the middle of a show and couldn’t hold my microphone anymore. I’d have to switch the microphone between my hands, back and forth to get through a song. Sometimes during a show, I would get these electric shocks that would start at the back of my head and felt like it would spread all over my head. I would be signing in my autograph line after a show and while writing the name my fan would give me I couldn’t even see what I was writing. My vision was very blurry most nights. If I was in the gym, I couldn’t even hold weights and you know how much I love to work out. I also had really bad headaches almost every single day. So, as soon as I could, I made an appointment with my primary care physician who then referred me to get an MRI of my brain and neck.

After all these doctor appointments, I would make my way back to the studio and work on my 2^nd album and wait for the results. One day all of the executives of the label were going to come listen to what I had recorded so far and I was so excited to see what they thought, but I got called away by a neurologist to speak with me about my brain scan. So, as my label listened to my new music, I listened to this doctor tell me I have 11 lesions on my brain and that I had MS. He told me there was no cure but there were medicines that I could take to slow down the disease. He also suggested I come back the next day to do a spinal tap. He would take fluids off of my spine and study it and if the chromosomes or whatever he called it looked a certain way, that was another indicator of MS.

So, Mama (always my rock) and I went back the next day to do the spinal tap. I am pretty tough but as I signed the form saying I wouldn’t hold this doctor responsible if something went wrong with the needle going into my back, I cried like a baby. Mama did too. I signed it and prayed his needle would go where it needed to go and only there and that’s exactly what happened.

A few days later while still working on my record my neurologist called me to tell me the spinal fluid did not indicate MS. But because the brain scan did and all of my symptoms did, he wanted me to start some medicine. I chose to not begin any medications and just tried to be as healthy as I could be on my own. That meant, exercising daily, getting 7-8 hours sleep a night, and eating healthy most of the time. The doctor was ok with my plan but wanted me to get new scans every 6 months of my brain and log the symptoms in a journal as I have them again. So, that was 4.5 years ago and that’s exactly what I’ve done. All of my scans have been the same up until the end of last year and my brain showed 12 lesions. I still have times when my hands quit working or when I can barely pull up a pair of pants, but when I really take care of myself, I feel great! Sleep is a definite for me!

I know that was deep and a lot of information that you probably had no idea about but It is a big part of my story. As I was recording that record, my mind was on my record, then it would switch to my health, then back to my record.

So, I think all of these things combined is what I’ve tried to block out over these past few years. I cant remember the meals we had at the studio during the 2^nd album, all I remember is watching my phone for a call from my doctor. And I believe I haven’t listened to the “Men and Mascara” album in over a year because I thought I didn’t do a good job with it. I am my worst critic and I wanted to block all that out while I worked on my new record.

BIG NEWS for me is that on my drive last Monday to Charlotte after I listened to my brand new songs, I decided I wanted to listen to my 2^nd album again. I listened to the entire album from the top to the bottom. Started with “Paint and Pillows” and ended with “All I Want is You”. That was a HUGE STEP for me. As I listened, I thought about everything that went on during that recording process and how I got through it all with God’s help!! And I listened more and more and listened on my drive back from Charlotte today, I came to decide that I LOVE MY SECOND ALBUM! It’s not perfect and I probably should’ve sung things a little different but it represents exactly who I was and where I was supposed to be during that time of my life. ALL OF THE SONGS (except for Girl Next Door) SPEAK TO ME! I am so proud that I finished that album and I think I grew so much as a person during the recording process. I have been listening to that record ALL NIGHT! I’m trying to make up for over a year of ignoring it and trying to forget about it. That HUGE WALL I put up is down now and I believe I did a great job!

As I put the finishing touches on my third record, I remember every single detail. There were stumbling blocks along the way to make this one, but I climbed right over them. If you don’t know by now, I am not giving up on making my albums and getting back on the road to you all!!

My tentative plan is to have my record ready by Memorial day weekend to sell at the Charlotte Motor Speedway and on itunes of course! If that changes, I will update you but plan that for now!!! I am excited and I’m anxious to tell you all the details of the recording of every song.

Thank you God for the stumbling blocks that have been placed on my path.

They are making me a stronger person and I know more now about who I am as a person and as an artist than I did 7 years ago (when my debut record was released). Thank you fans for your patience. I know you are waiting and have been waiting forever for me to figure this stuff out but the “walls are coming down” and I can see you all holding my new CD in your hands on the other side of this…very soon!

Finally, I want to Thank Mama. She has been to every doctor appt with me, she listens to every song I write, and tries to help me understand myself sometimes when I just can’t. I also have very encouraging friends and family members that remind me why I need to continue fighting this good fight!!

In closing, we all have walls or stumbling blocks on our path that we have to figure out how to cross and get around. God NEVER leaves you to figure this out alone. Ask him what to do. Trust in Him and not in someone that does not have your best interest at heart. God places amazing people in our lives to help us and we have to recognize them and never lose our faith. God knows I wanted to have about 5 records out by now, a house with a front porch for Mama, have a movie out, making more movies, have platinum records, etc., but He also knew He wanted me to learn some things about myself and prepare me for what’s to come.

I am SO, SO excited about this new video I’m working on and also about my new record. I’ve put in years of work on these projects and I hope you LOVE THEM like I do!!!

I am driving back to Charlotte in a few weeks…..wonder what new “walls will come down” during those 7-8 hours? I do know that I will be listening to my “Men and Mascara” album!!

Thank you for always boosting my confidence in myself and my music! I love what I do and your sweet, kind words are what I live for each day!

God Bless you ALL!!

Julie

Valentine's Day: Like It? Love it? Could skip it?

2011-02-13T17:11:00.000-06:00

For about a month now, I’ve been thinking about writing a blog about “love”. Since having been part of such a wonderful journey with Patti’s kidney donation, I have come to meet so many people like Patti; people that spend their lives loving and being the good, faithful servant we all strive to be. In my entire life, I don’t think I’ve witnessed love like I did during those few weeks. I have definitely felt loved by my family and friends but seeing what I saw at that hospital made me feel totally different about love. I now have hope for love, I believe it exists and is real, I’m no longer afraid of it, and I want to experience it first hand!

I watched as Patti showed such an unselfish love by giving John the gift of life, her kidney. She was willing to risk her own life to save his life. I think that kind of love is hard to find. But, as I sat at the hospital with Patti, I began to see that kind of love more and more. Maybe my eyes were just more open to it, but as her friends visited her throughout her stay there, I came to see so many people with that kind of love. It was undeniable that love like that exists and that so many people in the world are capable of exuding it.

One particular couple came to the hospital several times during Patti’s stay there. The very first time they walked in the room I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. I was drawn to the energy they gave off. I believe they have been married for almost 30 years and they have two beautiful, grown daughters. Every time the wife spoke to Patti, her husband would just stare at her and take in every word she said. He didn’t want to miss seeing one breath she took. As he spoke, I noticed she did the same thing.

It was one of the most beautiful loves I have seen in my entire life. They made each other laugh and you could just tell they were truly each other’s soul mate. They live to be in love with each other.

After they left the hospital one day, I asked Patti how someone could still be so in love after being married for almost 30 years. She said she has asked them that before and their answer was that “they have the same best friend…Jesus.” They keep Him in the center of their life and He guides their marriage and the life they share with one another.

For weeks, I have thought about this particular couple over and over again. Last night, I was invited to a valentine dinner at their house and I watched them some more. He was by her side in the kitchen the entire time. They NEVER stopped smiling at one another. I left last night thinking about them some more. I bet every single day of their life is like Valentine’s Day. That kind of love is a gift from God.

Since I wanted to write about love, and Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, I thought why not make this blog about Valentine’s Day!!!

When I think about Valentine's Day, I think about my Grandfather...we called him PawPaw. PawPaw went to heaven a few years ago but for 20-something years he made an impression on me every Valentine’s Day!

Growing up, I spent lots of time at MawMaw and PawPaw's house. From the time I can remember, PawPaw would come home from work on every Valentine’s Day and give MawMaw a big heart-shaped candy box with an assortment of chocolates in it. You know what I'm talking about don't you? The ones where you never know what you're eating until you actually bite into the piece of candy?! MawMaw's face would always light up when he handed it to her. Her heart-shaped candy box was never plain looking; there was always something special about her box. It might have gold glitter writing on it or maybe even a raised, silk surface on it. It always looked beautiful to me!

Then, he would give my Mama and her two sisters a medium-sized heart candy box with assorted chocolates in it. Finally, he would give my two sisters and me a small heart-shaped candy box with an assortment of chocolates in it. So, before he came home on every Valentine’s Day, he would buy 7 assorted chocolate heart candy boxes! Can you imagine how expensive Valentines Day was for him?! It' was something I always looked forward to. We couldn't wait to open our boxes. My sisters and I would open them and squeeze each piece of candy to see what was inside of it. If it happened to be a flavor we didn’t think we'd like, we'd trade with one another! Those were fun times!!

Another fond Valentine’s Day memory was taking valentine cards to all my classmates when I was in elementary school. Mama would buy me a box of little cards and I would fill them out for everyone in my class. But first, I would pick out my favorite card and write it to the boy in class that I wanted to be my boyfriend. Then, after all the cards in class were distributed, I would look through all of mine and find the card he gave me and hope that he wrote something special on it. That is too funny!!

As an adult, it seems like I'm always single on Valentines Day! I remember two times actually having a dinner on Valentine's Day with a guy I was dating! I wonder why that is? I like Valentine's Day but I just haven’t really celebrated it that much. It’s not that I don’t want to celebrate it because I am truly a romantic. I would LOVE to celebrate it, but I’m just always single on February 14! I’ve decided that God has so many exciting Valentine Days planned for my future and He’s just saving them for me!! :)

I've asked some of my friends what they think about Valentine’s Day and their opinions go from one end of the spectrum to another. Here are some of the things they have said to me:

"I love Valentines Day! I have a new dress to wear out for my dinner! I can't wait!" (Obviously, a girl said this)

"It's such a commercial holiday. Shouldn't you act like you love someone all year round?" (One of my guy friends said this).

“I have to buy something else? I spent all my money on Christmas gifts for him. It’s a girl holiday anyway, right?” (A girlfriend said this)

“I stay at home on Valentine’s weekend. It makes me sad watching all these couple out having fun and I don’t have anyone.” (A few friends thought this)

“Oh, I think it’s so sweet! I have been ready for Valentine’s Day since last Valentine’s Day!” (A girl said this)

“It’s SO EXPENSIVE! Roses are triple the price!” (A guy said this)

“I go all out. I have a hair appointment, a new outfit, and I’m going to cook for him!” (A very excited girlfriend)

“It’s so stressful. I don’t know what to do. I want to do something she’d like but I have no idea!” (A really sweet guy said this)

“If I’m in a relationship, I love this day! If I’m not in a relationship, I get a little sad so I go out and buy myself a valentine’s card or candy!” (A girlfriend of mine)

So, as you can see, everyone has a different opinion about the day set aside each year to celebrate your love for someone. I’m sure that each person has different opinions about Valentine’s Day depending on their life that year. So many factors can influence how you feel about that day. Some of those are: finances, whether you’re single or not, in a new relationship or in a committed long-term relationship, etc.

Like I said before, I actually like the holiday! I like to buy Mama something and also my nieces a gift (if only I could remember to get it in the mail to them).

Y’all know I love the Bachelor show! I think I love it because I love all the fun dates they seem to go on. I would LOVE to go on fun trips or do fun things like they do with someone I love. Every date on the Bachelor (unless there’s drama) seems like it’s on Valentine’s Day. I am definitely a hopeless romantic. I look forward to the day when I can plan a trip on Valentine’s Day with someone I am totally in love with! Good things come to those who wait!!

While I wait, I will spend my Valentine’s Day like I do every other day of my life. On Valentine’s Day this year, I have booked a writing appointment and at dinnertime, I will do a kickboxing class! I’m not gonna sit at home wishing I was at a romantic, candlelit dinner! I’m going to do something for me!! I hope that all of my other single friends find something to do and that all of my friends that are in relationships (dating or married) have the best night ever!

I feel so lucky to have seen such beautiful love this year. I can honestly say I used to be a little bit cynical about love. The songs I love the most are songs about falling out of love. That will probably never change; it’s just in my makeup and who I am. Coming from a very broken home has something to do with that I’m sure. But, I do think I am a different person now. I believe in LOVE and I want to love. I want to spend my life with someone that doesn’t look beyond me to see what’s waiting in the wings. I want him to watch every syllable that I say and believe that I am God’s gift to him. I now know that’s not living in a fantasy world... It exists and I am going to have that one day!!

MY DAY WITH THE GIRLS FROM LEWIS COUNTY!

2011-02-07T17:20:00.000-06:00

Saturday February 5th
I said to the girls of Lewis County....

“Just be who you are girls. Don’t try to be like anyone else. God made you special and He made you the size He wants you to be. He doesn’t want you to harm your body because you think you need to look like the girl on the cover of a magazine or on your favorite television show. You are beautiful and please promise me you will always follow your dreams. Don’t ever give up on your dreams! You Promise?”

“We promise!” said the group of 130 girls aged 10-14 in Lewis County, TN this past Saturday……….

Monday February 7th

I woke up this morning, just two days after that speech to the Lewis County girls. I started my day like usual, did my gym routine, came back home, opened my computer to check emails, and realized I was kind of sad today. I thought maybe it’s the dreary weather, but I don’t think it’s the weather at all.

Last night, I went to a Super Bowl Party and had a great time but also had a very definitive moment for my life there. At the party, a very successful songwriter was talking to me, and he said,

“Are you singing at all anymore?”

“Yeah! I’m singing! Making a new record,” I quickly said.

“Oh great, I can’t wait to hear it,” he said.

Now, to most all of you, that probably sounds like a very nice conversation and it was. But truthfully, it killed me inside and I was pretty embarrassed. I don’t ever want to be asked if I’m still singing. Singing is my purpose and what makes me happy. If someone asks me that question, what does that mean? It means I’m not doing what I was born to do! I’ve thought about this since I left last night and I haven’t been able to get it off of my mind. My conclusion is I need to get my stuff together and get back out there. This transition time for me has taken long enough and now it’s time to move forward. No more excuses about the flood or anything else for that matter. Those things happened and I need to learn from them and move on!!

Some days I get so overwhelmed at trying to figure out this path I chose for myself when I was a little girl. It seems so easy right? Just get booked and play shows. The reality is, it’s not always that easy and as I’ve been searching for ways this morning to make it all happen, I got a little down.

I talked to Patti this morning about all of it and she reminded me that I shouldn't take that question so personally. Simply because one person did not know what was going on in my life doesn't mean I'm not on the right road. Just because I am not where someone else thinks I need to be doesn't mean that I'm not exactly where God wants me to be. Then she reminded me of one of my favorite verses, Jeremiah 29:11 which says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I've said it a million times about my conversations with Patti...I am little bit wiser now!!!

I also talked to God this morning and pleaded with Him to show me where to go next and what to do to get back on the scene singing my songs. I don’t want anyone to ever ask me if I’m still singing. As I thought about these things, it occurred to be that on Saturday ( just two days ago), I was standing in front of 130 young girls begging them to not give up on their dreams. Why is it so easy for me to tell someone that? I need to take my own words and live by them. I gotta tell you, I will NEVER give up on my dreams, but like most people, I have days where I beg for a miracle or I beg for a sign or I beg for another break to get me back out there. Today was that day for me. Mama always says, “Nothing worth having ever comes easy.” And like always, Mama is right. I know one day I will look back on this period of time in my life and see how much stronger I am because of it. I will see how much my faith grew and I will see that God was always there. He never leaves my side and He is walking with me every step of the way on my journey to figure out how to get where I want to be.

I had to get that out there today. It was on my mind and that’s exactly why I started this blog…so I could tell you everything about my journey.

Now, I want to finish telling you about my trip to Lewis County....

I was asked by 'Get Fit Tennessee' to visit a few counties in the state and speak with girls between the ages of 10-14 (5^th-8^th grade). My focus for these girls is explaining to them why living a healthy lifestyle is important to me. I am very passionate about this subject (as you know from my bikini blog) and I believe sharing my story with them is something I’m supposed to do. I want them to have a chance to hear about eating healthy and exercising before they even have a chance to develop an eating disorder or poor self-image. If someone had spoken to me on this subject matter when I was growing up, I would’ve probably done things a lot different as far as diet/exercise goes.

Here's me talking to the girls!

I introduced myself to the sweet girls and told them that I remembered being their age. I don’t remember everything about being 10 years old, but I do remember knowing that I wanted to sing country music. I knew I wanted to get to Nashville and that I was going to make records one day! I followed every move my idols made and tried to be just like them. I’d watch music videos or read articles about my favorite artists just so I could see how to dress or how to wear my hair. I would also notice their shapes and sizes. They all had perfect bodies in my eyes and I wanted to be just like them.

I did everything I could to be just like them! The reason I chose Belmont University was because Trisha Yearwood went there. And when I was at Belmont, I chose to stop eating so that I could be like my other favorite female singers on television. I told these girls about how I starved myself and would run miles just to be skinny. God gave me my voice and my drive to achieve my goals, and I wanted to give myself a skinny body. I thought starving myself is what I had to do to get a record deal. I’d come home from Belmont on holidays and Mama would look at me and tell me I wasn’t going back to Nashville until I ate some food. So, I would eat at home just so I could go back to Nashville. When I’d get back to school, I would stop eating again. I would make it through my day on a small can of green beans and a few pretzels every now and then. I was so skinny and so unhealthy.

I came back home a second time from school and Mama was serious when she said I was not going back to school. How could I not go back to Nashville? I have to be in Nashville to get a record deal! I PROMISED Mama I would start eating and I did. I knew if I didn’t, she would come and get me and I’d be back home wishing I had done things different. It wasn’t always easy to stay on the right track because it became such a mental struggle for me. I constantly looked at myself in the mirror and thought I wasn’t good enough.

Despite those mental battles, I continued to eat so I could stay in school and get my degree and that also allowed me to stay in Nashville and search for a record deal. After I got a record deal, Mercury hired a trainer for me and it was the first time in my life that I knew what foods were good for me to eat and what exercises I should be doing for myself.

I told that story about myself as honest and as carefully as I could to the girls in Lewis County in hopes to convey to them how beautiful they each are and how much they have to offer the world. I wanted them to know that there are no perfect bodies and there is no perfect person on the entire earth. God made us each different for a reason. If we were all just alike, the world would be a boring place.

I talked about my struggles now as an adult with trying to maintain a healthy weight because I mistreated my body as a young girl. I totally messed up my metabolism and it has taken me years to get it all back on track. I told them how I still struggle sometimes when I look in the mirror and see things I don’t like about myself. Most importantly, I told them that I didn’t want them to go through all of that too.

I loved coming off the stage to talk to the girls!

Finally, I asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. Surprisingly, many of them said SINGERS!!!! Some want to be actresses, teachers, doctors, veterinarians, and one sweet angel wants to open up a dog shelter!! These girls reminded me of me. I got tears in my eyes several times as they shouted their dreams to me. I want so much for all their dreams to come true. I told them they needed to keep their dreams alive and NEVER give up. The road is not always easy but God will guide them and they should NEVER give up. I told all of the girls who wanted to be singers that I wanted to see their buses pull up next to mine one day at a festival or fair!

Then, it was time for me to sing a few songs for them.

I started with “You Aint Down Home” and then went into “Mama Said Don’t”. They really loved “Mama Said Don’t”!! Some of the girl’s mothers were there so they were laughing with each other at some of the lyrics. My last song was “Break Down Here.” I remembered which girls told me they wanted to be singers so I invited them all up to sing the choruses with me. The girls were SO EXCITED TO BE UP THERE and I just handed them the microphone every time the chorus came around. Thank goodness they could sing it because I was getting a little choked up listening to them. They were so beautiful and it just melted my heart. My hope for them is that they never stop believing in themselves, I hope that someone in their life is constantly reaffirming to them how beautiful they are, and I hope that NO ONE ever tells them they can’t do what they want to do! Most important, I want them to always be who they are and not try to be anyone else. If you know who you are and where you want to be in life and someone tries to discourage you, you keep going and say to yourself, “you wait, I will show you!”

Here are the girls right before they sang "Break Down Here"

Thank you Lewis County for giving me some time to spend with your girls. I had fun getting to meet them all after the show and I am a better person because of my time there. Saturday was such an awesome day! I can’t wait to travel to the next school!

Signing autographs for each girl!!

BIRTHDAY BLOG!!!

2011-02-03T09:05:00.000-06:00

Although I've been celebrating for a few days now, yesterday was my actual birthday! I cannot believe all of the wishes I received from you guys. You really know how to make a girl feel special.

After my previous two blog entries, it was hard to know what to write about next. The Patti/John experience was so powerful, it kinda just wrote itself. So, I decided to just be simple and tell you all about my birthday in this post!!!!! It was such a special birthday so I want you all to know about it!!

February 1, 2011

I woke up super early! My alarm went off at 4:58am. I normally get up around 5:15am and head to the gym but I wanted to get up a few minutes early to pray and reflect on my life. I am so blessed to have another year of my life to continue on this journey of mine.

I wake up every single day excited to do my work. That in itself is a huge blessing. I mean sure, there are days when I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels and things aren't moving, but I am still focused on getting them moving and that is fun too!

Taking these few minutes to focus on where I've been and where I want to go started my birthday off right. For every single birthday from the time I was a little girl, I’d blow out my candles and wish for a record deal. I’d wish for a bus and to be playing shows. I prayed for that every day of my life but especially on my birthday. I think it's so funny looking back on that now because it was always the same wish!

And even now, 20-something years later, I still want the same things for my birthday! God has given me these desires in my heart and I know they are coming back around to me...In His Time.

At 5:30am, I headed to the gym for my chains class. I love starting my day with fitness and working out. It helps me to stay focused throughout the day!!! After leaving the gym, I headed home and waited by my phone for the one call I get every birthday. My birthday wouldn’t be the same without this call.

Finally, my phone rang and South Carolina came up on the caller ID. I answered it and immediately heard...

"Happy Birthday to You, Happy birthday to you, you look like a monkey and smell like one too!"

We both laughed and I said, "Thank you MawMaw".

Mawmaw has been singing that version of ‘Happy Birthday’ to me since I was teeny tiny! She has never missed a birthday!!

After I talked to MawMaw I got ready to meet Patti and her sister for lunch at Rotiers in Nashville. Rotiers is a famous cheeseburger place that Patti loves. Patti eats at Rotiers often and when she does, it’s an event! She’s been telling me what she orders there for almost a year. She’d say, when you are not on a diet one day, let’s go there for lunch! And since I’m never NOT watching what I eat, I made it ok to go there on my birthday! After all, I can have what I want to eat on my birthday! You are not going to believe what we ordered! Fried pickles, fried cheese sticks, cheeseburgers, onion rings, and French fries!!!!!!! And A BIG OLD GLASS OF ICED WATER!!

Let me tell you, if you’ve never been to Rotiers and you have a chance to visit Nashville, please eat there! Get the greasiest things on the menu like we did and I promise you, you will have an awesome meal! I ate more than anyone at the table! I’m sure Patti was surprised because all she ever sees me eat are salads and almonds! The food was so greasy and GOOD that I left feeling like my face was greasy and shiny and of course my jeans felt tight!

Despite my tight britches (I LOVE SAYING THAT), on my way home from Rotiers, I started thinking about my cake sitting on the stove at home. Mama made me an 'earthquake cake' on Sunday and I have had at least 2 pieces every day since! I didn’t want to skip a day of cake, so after I got home I had another piece! Then, I took off my jeans and put on sweatpants. I scooped up Lucie and Cosmo and went to bed to take a nap! I WAS SO TIRED ALL OF A SUDDEN! Maybe all those calories I had just consumed drained me!!

I had dinner plans with my family and a few friends but knew that I needed to sleep a little so I would be awake and could enjoy my time with them. For the past few weeks, Michelle had been telling me that she wanted to take my family and me to a restaurant I’d never been to in Nashville for my birthday. I had no idea where we were going, but I knew I needed that nap.

We were supposed to leave the house at 7pm. At 6:35pm, my sister Lorie came into my room and told me I needed to get up and get ready for dinner. At 6:45pm she came back in and told me the same thing. I knew what I was going to wear so I didn’t feel like I needed much time getting dressed, as I needed to sleep! Finally, at 6:50pm, Mama came in to get me out of the bed! I got dressed and then went into to the bathroom to check out my hair. I’ve mentioned to you all before that I get 'bed-head' pretty bad so I was just going to brush down whatever mess may have been made during my nap.

(Here’s a picture of one of my bed-head mornings!)

I left this picture blurry on purpose.

In a matter of 5 minutes, I was dressed and my hair was brushed. I just had to put on lipstick and go! I went into Mama’s bedroom and told her I was ready to go whenever they were.
She looked at me and said, “Are you going to brush your hair?”

I said, “I already did, does it not look like it?”

“No, I think you need to do it again.” She said.

So, I went back and brushed it again and asked her if it looked better. She said, “No, just pull it back in a ponytail.” I go out to eat with my family all the time and they never care how my hair looks. I couldn’t figure out why she was so stressed about how messy my hair looked. So, I finally asked her why she was so worried about my hair.

She said, “Michelle asked a photographer to come take a picture of all of us on your birthday so you need to look good for it.”

So, I put my hair in a ponytail and we were finally ready to go.

On the way there I was sitting in the passenger seat just texting with some of my friends. One girlfriend said, “Y’all having margaritas yet?” I said, “No, we are on the way there. Come by and have one with us if you want to.”

She said, “I might do that.”

Patti also texted me on the drive to dinner. She asked,

“Do you know where your family is taking you yet?”

I said, “Yes, we are pulling into Morton’s right now!” She said, “Have fun and let me know how dinner goes.” Everyone was waiting to hear where I was going to have my birthday dinner!!

Michelle was waiting outside Morton’s steakhouse on us to arrive. Morton’s is SO NICE and A VERY SPECIAL PLACE! I’ve only been there one or two other times and it’s always been for a celebratory occasion. Michelle walked us inside and said, “I got them to reserve us our own small, private room so you can have fun with your family and y’all can be as loud as you want to!”

“That’s great Michelle!” I said.

Then, a host walked up to me and said, “Right this way.” He opened the door to the small, private room and when he did, all I heard was “SURPRISE!!!” Kazoos were blowing and it was SO LOUD! Here's a picture of my reaction!!

This is me walking in the party room!

I'm So Surprised!

I Can't Believe It!!

The room wasn’t small or private, it was HUGE AND PACKED WITH ALL OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS!!! I couldn’t believe my eyes! I didn’t know what to say. So, as the kazoos quieted down, all the attention was on me. I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to say!

I finally said, “I’m so sorry I didn’t fix my hair good for y’all. I had no idea. Actually, I just woke up!!!”

Then I looked over and saw Patti and all of the friends that had been texting me on my way there!! They were texting me to throw me off! They got me good! I kept looking around the room at these beautiful faces staring back at me. All of my friends came out on this rainy Tuesday night to surprise me for my birthday. This was the first surprise party I’ve ever had in my life! I was overwhelmed and SO EXCITED! I started greeting everyone and began noticing all the details Michelle had done for the party. The menu place cards had my name on them, there were balloons and other decorations, and there was a big tour bus cake! The bus was beautiful and had my name written on the side of it. It was driving down a road and on both sides of the road there were cupcakes that were made to resemble beautiful flowers. Here’s a picture of my cake!

My Birthday Cake - I'm ready to be on that bus!

We all ate, drank, and just had so much fun for a few hours. Towards the end of the night, Marcus Hummon, Eddie Heinzelman, Kent Blazy, Joe Cook, & Mike Bush all grabbed their guitars and sang happy birthday to me mariachi style! They held their guitars up high and for a moment, I thought I was celebrating in Mexico! IT WAS SO FUNNY! That was one of my favorite parts of the entire night. Here’s a picture of them singing to me!

My Mariachi Birthday Band!

After the singing, I blew out my candles, I made my same wish, and everyone began to slowly head home, except for me! My sister Lorie convinced me to go out and sing karaoke with her! That is a whole other story!

It was such an amazing night for me! I still can’t wipe the smile off of my face. I am blessed with such good friends. Thank you Michelle for all you did to give me the best birthday I’ve ever had in my life! Thank you Mama and Lorie for all you did to help Michelle! I love you all to pieces. To all of my friends that have been lying to me the past 6 weeks so I wouldn’t find out, THANK YOU! (That might be the only time I ever thank someone for lying to me!) I was truly surprised and it was all because of each of you!!!

In closing, I read a devotional today from Joel Osteen. The scripture focused on Psalm 118:23.

“The LORD has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes.”

I believe with all my heart that last night was my birthday present from God. Every good and perfect gift comes from our Father above. He has given me such an amazing Mama, awesome sister, and wonderful friends. I got to celebrate my life and my journey with all of them and that’s so special.

I will never forget February 1, 2011!!

Here I am Celebrating! I'm So Happy!

A LITTLE BIT WISER - PART TWO

2011-01-24T21:49:00.005-06:00

Hey Y’all!!

I’ve been reading over the last blog I posted for you and realized I left off some important events from last week at the hospital. I was led to tell you about my sweet Rose and now I’m led to go back and tell you about a few things I feel blessed to have been part of.

This blog was hard to write for some reason. I don’t know why it was so difficult. It was such a blessing to witness such a remarkable experience but it’s hard to put into words how powerful it was and the true impact it has had on my life. I hope it all makes sense to you as you read....

Part 2

January 12, 2011

It was Wednesday morning and I left my house in West Nashville at 5am. It was hovering around 16 degrees outside and I was determined I would not be late picking Patti up from her hotel. The VA Hospital gave Patti a hotel room near the hospital the night before her surgery because she lives about an hour outside of town. Otherwise, she’d have to wake up at 3am to drive in for her surgery and take the risk of icy roads or anything that might prevent her from making her 6am appointment. Since Patti has experienced my occasional tardiness, I (safely) hurried down the interstate to make it to her hotel lobby by 530am. I made it at 5:28am. Patti was impressed!!

Mama and Michelle pulled up right after me and we all hung out in the lobby for about 15 minutes with Patti. Patti was very calm and at peace. She said she was not anxious and could feel all of the prayers being said for her by people she had never even met. She was in good spirits and even made jokes about the sweatpants she was wearing! She had been instructed to wear clothes that she didn’t mind being lost in transit at the hospital. I believe she said that she’d had the sweatpants since 1988!!

At 5:45am we all piled in our cars and caravanned to the VA hospital. On the way there I asked Patti how she rested the night before and she said pretty good until 2:30am, then she was awake until we got to the hotel to pick her up. I hadn’t slept at all the night before. My mind wouldn’t shut down. As soon as I’d almost fallen asleep, I’d wake myself up and start thinking again. I was thinking about Patti’s surgery, her family, and then I started thinking about how I needed to sleep. Once I started thinking about how I needed to sleep, I couldn’t sleep at all. I tossed and turned all night and was afraid to take a Tylenol or Excedrin PM because I didn’t want to oversleep!! Needless to say, on Wednesday, I kinda felt like I had a hangover all day! :)

We all arrived at the parking garage and began to walk inside the hospital. I started getting a nervous feeling in my stomach and then my heart was beating very fast. My heart rate is probably the first thing that changes on me when I get anxious or nervous. It FLIES!!! ‘Breathe deep’ is what I kept saying to myself in my mind. The last thing I wanted was for Patti to sense I was nervous. We stopped at one point on the way in and Patti asked if one of us would keep her cross necklace for her while she was in surgery. I volunteered and Patti put it around my neck. I love crosses and especially love wearing them. They comfort me and tend to calm me down if I hold them in my hand for just a few seconds.

Once inside, we took the elevator down to the basement. How appropriate that we’d be going to the basement? I’ve always been afraid of basements and I was afraid right now. The basement in this particular hospital is where ICU was and where all of the surgeries take place. It was quiet that early in the morning! The only people in the hallway for a while were Patti, Mama, Michelle, and me. Finally, other patients began to arrive and then this man walked around the corner wearing blue jeans & a grey sweatshirt. His skin was a color I’d never seen before. It kind of had a grayish tint to it. I looked at him and then I heard Patti say, “There’s John!” Following John were his wife, daughter, and two of his friends. He walked straight up to Patti and hugged her. Immediately, his wife began to cry and made her way over to hug Patti. She hugged Patti for what felt like a long time. It was an emotional day for all of them. He’d waited for so long for this day to arrive and now he would get his life back. Introductions were made and then Patti asked if we could all hold hands and say the Lord’s Prayer. We formed our circle of 9, bowed our heads, and all said the prayer I’d heard my entire life. I’ve always said it like I say the blessing “God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for our food….”. You know what I mean? Just kinda monotone and with no emotion because it’s something I memorized as a child and have been reciting for years. But it sounded different that day. I meant every single word we said and so did everyone else. I knew God was in our circle, and was a part of this entire experience with John & Patti. He is our FATHER and was delivering John from the sickness that had taken over his kidneys. He was, and is, always in control and He was there with us in that basement hallway.

Shortly after the prayer, the nurse called Patti back. Mama left for work and Michelle and I went back with Patti. I get nervous even thinking back on that walk to the anesthesia area. I knew she was doing the right thing and everything was going to be ok, but I was still scared for Patti. They let us stay back there with her for about 30 minutes and then told us we had to leave. Ok, now this is where, if I were in Patti’s shoes, I would have a problem. I would need someone right by my side until I was fast asleep! If I was having surgery, and was not asleep yet, and the nurse told me I had to be alone, I’d say “Nah-ah girl, I gotta have me somebody back here until I don’t know I’m alone.” NO WAY! I didn’t want to leave her in that room all by herself, but we had to go. I looked at Patti and told her we loved her, God had this all under control, and that we’d be right there as soon as she woke up after surgery. I don’t know if that was comforting or not for her to hear. It was the only thing that came to my mind. She has told me since then that she remembers me saying “God’s got this” and it helped her so much. :)

Michelle and I walked back upstairs and out into the world... to wait in the waiting room... to wait on the surgeons to come find us 3 hours later and tell us everything went great!!

My last blog filled you in on all that happened after that point until Patti left the hospital to go back home. Now, I would like to tell you how everyone has been doing since surgery day.

January 15, 2011

It was the Saturday morning after the surgery and I arrived at the hospital in hopes to drive Patti back home. Patti was having blood tests done and if all her levels were good she could leave. Her blood work was great so we packed up her things and began to get ready to leave the hospital. Good news is her sweatpants from 1988 made it back to her room so she wore those home!!

Patti asked one of her nurses if she could leave her flowers for the veterans that didn’t have any. What a sweet thing to do! I don’t know if I would’ve thought of that but that’s how Patti’s mind works. She never thinks of herself.

Patti was in the wheelchair and I was about to begin pushing her down to the car when she said she wanted to go see John and tell him goodbye. I told her “Of course we would go see John.” I asked the nurse at the station where to find him. I found out he was still in ICU and in room 13. Patti was leaving room 313. How weird was that? I notice everything like that. They were truly connected now.

I told Patti I would probably just push her into John's room and wait outside for her because I didn’t know if he would want me, or anyone he didn’t really know, in there. I also wanted Patti to have her moment with John. We found ICU and walked through the double automatic doors. I’d never been in an intensive care area of a hospital. I was amazed at how it was set up. The nurse and doctor’s station was in the center of a big room and all of the patient rooms were enclosed with glass in a semi-circle around the center station. The patients were never out of sight from their caretakers. John’s room was the first one as we came in the area. I pushed Patti in the door and stood behind her. As soon as I saw John and saw that his skin color looked peachy pink and he was alert, I knew I had to stay and listen.

Patti started with “Hey John! You look good. “

He just smiled and said “Hey Patti!” (That makes me smile as I type it.)

She said, “I just wanted to tell you goodbye. I will see you soon.”

He started to cry. He was crying and tried to say something to her but he couldn’t get it out.

Patti began to cry too. They just looked at each other for a moment and John said, “Thank you Patti.”

Then he paused for a minute, “You have given me an extension of my life. Thank you.”

He began to cry again. Patti did too.

Then John smiled and said, “When I get out let’s have dinner with our two kidneys!!!”

Patti laughed and said, “I would love that.”

John said, “I can eat mashed potatoes, strawberries, bananas, AND WATERMELON NOW!!!”

His entire face lit up when he said watermelon!

Patti told him that they would eat ALL of that!

Shortly after that conversation, we left for the parking garage. We only stayed for a moment in ICU, but I know that brief moment is what Patti had been living for, for over a year now. I’d never seen anything like that in real life. I’d seen it in the movies but this was real stuff. It was a quiet walk back to the parking garage. I don’t think Patti nor I knew what to say.

On the drive to Patti’s house we talked a lot. We talked about the beautiful day, the coming week, her friends, my life, and then I asked Patti a question that I thought I would share with you all. I asked Patti if she felt different after the surgery. In my child-like mind, I was really asking if she physically felt like she only had one kidney. Patti answered me in the way she answers all of my questions. She told me that since the surgery, she felt more connected to the world. She’d been told about so many prayers lists she was on and that people she’d never met and may never meet were praying for both she and John. She also explained that this experience had brought many new friends in her life. Some of her nurses had actually served in Afghanistan and Iraq. She said... “They were calling me a hero when they are the real heroes! I realized that depending on the circumstance in life, that we play different roles. Sometimes we are the giver and sometimes the receiver but whichever role we’re in, we are always being blessed. The connection to the world is always there if we are open to it."

I’ve always felt connected to the people I’m closest to, but this experience helped me to feel connected to everyone, whether I knew them or not. Connected because we are children of God. I am a little bit wiser!!! :)

When we arrived at Patti’s house, her brother and sweet mother Rose were waiting on her. We got inside and then I snuck back out to the car to get the surprise for Rose that my Mama had sent to her. Mama had gone to Costco and bought her a big container of these little dessert treats. They were these little tiny (like Rose) strawberry & chocolate pastries. I walked into the house with those and you should’ve seen her face! SHE WAS SO EXCITED! You would’ve thought I’d given her a new car or some fancy new piece of jewelry. :) It made my day! We even got a picture of her big beautiful smile!!!

Patti has been doing GREAT since getting back home from the hospital. She’s enjoying her time with Rose and she’s even teaching herself how to use Facebook!! She looks great and even made it back to church yesterday.

When I was in the hospital cafeteria, I learned from Rose that she LOVES RED LOBSTER! Rose said “I told everyone to just give me Red Lobster gift cards for Christmas. I don’t need clothes or anything else but I LOVE those cheese biscuits!” So, yesterday after church we went to Red Lobster!! It sure was fun watching her eat those cheese biscuits! She gets so excited about those simple things in life! Sometimes, I wish I could see the world through the eyes of Rose. She is only in Nashville for one more week which makes me sad. I’ve tried to convince her to stay a little longer but she misses her husband. She said she was watching a Porter Wagoner taping the other night and it really made her miss him. Isn’t that sweet? Their 54^th wedding anniversary was last week also!! When she gets back home they are going to Red Lobster to celebrate! Before she heads back home I get to have lunch with her again and she’s also coming to my show on Friday night! YAY! I’m probably going to sing a song especially for my sweet Rose!!! :) Here’s a picture of my new best friend Rose and me!!

Rose & me! Notice her doughnuts? She loves her sweets!!!

I’ve heard that John is also doing well and that he gets to go home soon! I know he is so excited about that. He mentioned getting to ride bikes with his wife when he got out! I hope that the weather is beautiful soon so that they can enjoy riding bikes with one another again! God is good!

My dear friend, Rev. Becca Stevens, dedicated part of her sermon the other Sunday to Patti and John. She said, “preach love and use words when you have to.” And from the beautiful Gospel of John she talked about... ‘how Jesus was willing to be a servant of God and bear the burdens of the world.’ And from Acts 20... ‘We should figure out ways to bear the burdens of those who are weak in this world. Remember the words of our Lord, It is more blessed to give than to receive.’

That’s what Patti did. She actually served God by giving her kidney to John. She didn’t just talk about doing it, she did it! She walked the walk!

I have learned so much from Patti. I believe my life is better for being a part of such a wonderful journey in her life. I am DEFINITELY A LITTLE BIT WISER!!!!!

A LITTLE BIT WISER!

2011-01-16T21:34:00.001-06:00

Hey Y’all!

I started this blog just before my friend Patti’s surgery and have been working on it as often as I could find time, but many nights this week, I’d fall asleep before I could get my thoughts down. As I was writing the blog, I realized I had so much to say about everything I saw and experienced. It kept becoming longer and longer! It began to seem more like a chapter in a book than a blog so I decided to break it up into parts. Here is Part ONE. Part TWO will follow soon and detail the recovery of both Patti and her recipient John.

PART 1 – “A Little Bit Wiser”

As Patti and I sat at my favorite coffee shop and went over the details of who she wanted me to call after the surgery, I started thinking, "oh wow… this has really come to fruition". Patti had talked about donating her kidney, to her friend John, for over a year but we were now at the less than 24 hour point before she would Lose "Paul". You see, my Mama named Patti’s kidneys Peter and Paul. We were out at the Listening Room on New Year’s Eve and Mama asked her which one she was giving away, Peter or Paul? In Patti fashion, she contemplated for a few minutes and her answer was Paul. She definitely had specific reasons as to why she chose to give Paul to John, but I can't seem to recall those at the moment.

Next, Patti handed me her funeral arrangements, in the event something should go horribly wrong. The line that stuck out to me was, of course, "Julie Roberts sings I'll Fly Away". I knew she wanted me to do that but I just skimmed over the rest of that entire page and said "we aren't gonna need any of this". She said she knew I was right, but just in case, I would have it.

Then she told me that should something happen, she wanted her ashes spread over the top of some mountain in East TN. Patti loves nature and hiking so that was the perfect place.

At that point, I began to get nervous. Was this going to be the last time I met one of my best friends for coffee? We meet at least once a week for a three-hour lunch or coffee, where I tend to become smarter from Patti's words of wisdom and probably, she becomes exhausted trying to sort out all of my scattered thoughts.

She knows things about me no one else does. If it was Patti’s time to go to heaven, who would help me solve all my problems and keep me on the path of believing in my dreams? I was counting on her to get through this surgery smoothly so that we could be sitting at that same coffee shop in just a few weeks.

Is that selfish? Here I am with a lady about to give her kidney away to a man in need and I was trying to think of anything else I could think of to talk about so that we wouldn't have to focus on the order of a potential memorial service. I was trying to talk about everything I possibly could about me because I didn't know when we'd get the chance to do this again. Then I stopped myself and said "It’s not about my problems or my life today. As much as I want to pick your brain on some things, we are thinking about you!" She smiled and said, "No, I wanna hear about you." Of course she’d say that! This selfless person about to give up her kidney wants to hear about the things I am dealing with, which quickly began to feel unimportant at this point.

Fast-forward one day later and I'm on the 3rd floor of the Vanderbilt Veterans hospital talking on the phone. I was waiting on Patti to get out of surgery. It was a 3-hour surgery and then a 2-hour recovery. I was standing in the hallway working on a credit card issue and here comes Patti being wheeled down the hall on her gurney. She saw me and everyone else waiting in the room and the first three words out of her mouth were "how's John doing?". Those credit card problems were gone in an instant. With just three words coming out of the mouth of this child of God, I became wiser. “How’s John doing”? Wow! She was only worried about the man’s life she was potentially saving. What else is there to worry about? Money problems, job worries, car problems, bad weather…none of that was on the forefront of my mind anymore. Life is about love and showing love in as many ways as you can while you are on this earth. I was wiser!!

It’s Saturday now and I just got home from the hospital. I spent most of the latter part of my week up there with Patti. Meeting her friends as they came in the room, spending time with her sweet Mom Rose, helping her to the bathroom or with walks down the hall, doing anything I could to help, but mainly just sitting and listening. I took so much in this week. I know I was where I was meant to be and doing what I was meant to do this week. Who cares if I haven’t washed my hair in 3 days…that’s what they make baby powder for!!! I probably smell like a new baby today because I have a ton of that stuff in my hair!! Again, I am wiser and I knew it was time to put my vanity aside and do what Patti needed me to do!! (I’ve been home 2 hours now and still haven’t washed my hair! And I’m not worried about it at all!!!)

I walked through the halls of the Veterans hospital every day. I looked in all the rooms because I couldn’t help it. I was drawn to see what the faces of the men & women who served our country looked like. I was proud to be walking those halls and I wouldn’t be there had it not been for them risking their lives to fight for my freedom.

Walking those halls saddened me sometimes. Many of the veterans were alone. I didn’t see many visitors or many “get well” flowers or balloons. I wonder why? Had they been forgotten? I sure hope not. I’ve thought about it over and over this week. Actually, I can’t stop thinking about it. Fortunately, they were getting great care there. The doctors and nurses were first class & on top of their needs.

On a side note, I couldn’t help but think about my Dad this week. He is a veteran. Although we don’t speak that often, I am proud of him. I wondered if he’d ever been to a Veterans hospital. And if so, did he have any visitors? That made me sad. I think I’m going to try and contact him soon. Again, I became wiser this week.

Now, I have to tell you about my new friend Rose. Sweet Rose is Patti’s Mom from Maryland. Rose is 82 years old and was such an angel. Everyone that had met her previously called her “MeeMaw” when they came in the hospital room, but she was Rose to me. She was as beautiful as any rose I’d ever seen. Her beauty went way deep in her little tiny body and shined for the world to see. I immediately took it as my job to make sure Rose was ok. Patti’s brother Bobby was there also and taking wonderful care of Patti and Rose but I wanted to take her under my wing. The first day I met her, I hugged her and if I had closed my eyes, I would have thought it was my MawMaw back in South Carolina. They have the same frame, petite and tiny! They both seem very fragile and make my heart melt. One day, my friend Michelle and I took Rose to the hospital cafeteria. She was hungry. Patti had informed me in previous weeks that she doesn’t eat very much. On the way downstairs, Rose explained her eating habits to me too. She said, “I don’t eat but a couple of bites of my meals because I get full fast. I DO LIKE SWEETS THOUGH!!” She smiled when she said “sweets”. Just like my MawMaw!

We got her a small sprite which lasted her about 5-6 hours and she picked out a pack of 5 little doughnuts. The doughnuts lasted her about 30 minutes! She DID love sweets!! We sat in the cafeteria and talked for about an hour. I learned about Rose’s fears, her loves, her family, her home, what cereal she liked for breakfast, what her favorite restaurant was, that she was scared of animals, about her grandchildren and her great grandchildren, that she has 2 girlfriends that she takes walks with, about the farm she lived on in Massachusetts, how some days she wishes she could go back there and live, and most of all, how proud she was of Patti and how much she loved her. I caught myself several times during our talk about to cry. Maybe I wanted to cry because I missed MawMaw or maybe I wanted to cry because I knew I would only get to spend a few weeks with Rose and that was not fair. God brought this amazing woman in my life for just 3 weeks? Nope…that’s not good enough! I will definitely make a trip up to visit her sometime.

Have you ever met someone you wished you could put in your pocket and take everywhere with you? That’s how I feel about MawMaw and now Rose. I think we’d have lots of great talks and wonderful laughs. Rose would teach me about life and I could teach Rose what she might not know about (which isn’t much). The only thing she ever asked me about this week that she didn’t know much about was Facebook! Haha! You gotta love that!

As the week passed and Patti healed, Rose and I became friends. If I wasn’t sitting next to Rose in the hospital room, I always had my eye on her. She would sneak out every now and then to the hallway of the hospital to warm-up. She is always cold, like my MawMaw. Sometimes I would look across the room while there was a group conversation going on and I’d notice that Rose might look a little bit confused. Sometimes she couldn’t hear what was being talked about so she just sat there trying to figure it out. Once, I saw that happening and I went and sat next to Rose and started up my own conversation with her. It was like she knew what I was thinking from across the room. One of the first things she said was “Everyone tells me I don’t hear very good anymore but I think it’s that everyone speaks so soft.” I loved Rose’s reasoning! I agreed with Rose and told her that I had to basically watch everyone’s mouth and try to read their lips because they DID speak softly. Maybe I was losing my hearing too. Rose and I were going to be great friends. We could talk loud to one another, eat sweets, and teach each other about life. I am definitely much wiser now!

To be continued...

TIS THE SEASON!!!

2011-01-08T15:41:00.001-06:00

When I started this blog a few days ago, I didn’t realize how much fun it truly was going to be until I began typing. I couldn’t take my eyes off the computer screen! Once while I was typing, my sister’s boyfriend came in the room and tried to talk to me and I kept saying “ Hold on” Then about 5 minutes would pass and I’d say “Now, what’d you say?” I couldn’t take my mind or my heart off of what I wanted to say to you all. He finally gave up trying to tell me his story!! Haha! Sorry David!!

So, as the days have passed, I’ve been thinking and wondering about the things you might want to hear about, from my journey in this life. I decided I am going to just tell you whatever is on my heart the day I choose to type!

So here goes…

Tonight, I was sitting at the island in our kitchen like I do pretty much every night. I was organizing my itunes catalog and answering some emails when Mama came in with some groceries. She decided to make chicken chili for dinner & had to go by the grocery store on her way home from work to get all the ingredients. She, of course, bought some dog treats too and the latest issue of US magazine. You see, we have a pretty bad addiction to US Magazine, People, InTouch, Entertainment Weekly, etc! The list goes on and on. If Mama doesn’t buy the magazine in the store, then I do! We are always caught up on the latest gossip and fashion! When I saw the cover of the magazine tonight, I saw that inside we were going to get a glimpse of Shania’s wedding! I immediately skipped over every other article til I found her wedding photos and she looked so beautiful and happy! I then scanned the rest of the magazine knowing that I would wait and actually read the other articles on the Stairmaster one day this weekend. (That’s kinda my routine!) As I flipped through the magazine, I ran across about 2-3 more pages of celebrities, engaged to be married this year. There are SO MANY!

I began to think about my friends in country music (Carrie, Miranda, Kellie Pickler, Blake Shelton, and probably some more) that are newly married or are engaged.

Tis the season for getting married I guess! I want to say congratulations and good luck to all of them. There’s a running joke in my family that I probably wont ever get married because I love the breakup and heartbreak songs. And because I live with Mama and am perfectly content with that! I think that one day I will probably get married, but only if I have no doubts whatsoever in my heart that’s what I’m supposed to do and that I know I have found the person God wants me to spend my life with. AND, whoever my husband is will have to accept the fact that we are going to build an extra wing on the house for Mama or get her a house next door. Sorry, but that’s the way it’s going to be mister!! Whoever “mister” is!!!!

All of my high school and college friends are also married or getting married and I am normally informed of their news either through text messaging or facebook status updates. Congrats to you all too!

Tis the season for new babies too! Every magazine has cute pictures of celebrities & their babies or a list of cute, popular baby names or who is going to be having a new baby this year! Again, I keep up with that through the magazines for the celebrities, and by text messaging or on my friend’s facebook pages. One special baby that is coming this year to my family is a new niece! My sister Marie is going to have her 3^rd little girl! And I can’t help but say it, because everyone else says it to my brother-in-law, “God bless you with all those women in the house Jimmy”!! He’s been teased a bunch but I tend to truly look at it as God has BLESSED him with 3 women and he is sending one more for his household because he knows what a good husband and father he is and girls need to see that and experience that kind of love! So, I AM SO EXCITED to meet my new niece in just a couple months, unless she decides to come sooner. I love my nieces and wish I could see them more because when we get together, it’s trouble! They get to do anything they want and they are ALWAYS right.

Living apart from most of my family and friends from SC, I don’t get to attend many weddings, wedding parties, wedding showers, or baby showers. I get to see pictures on FACEBOOK! Thank you Facebook!!

All of that brings me up to this….

About a month or so ago, I was invited to a shower that takes place today and I’m actually going to get to go!! It’s in Lebanon, TN and it’s for a friend of mine that I met while on the ‘Prison Tour’ last year. She works for a video music channel in town and traveled with us to document our trips to prison but also to help minister to the women we met there.

Today, I am going to my VERY FIRST KIDNEY SHOWER!!! That’s right, I said KIDNEY SHOWER!! It’s a kidney shower for my friend named Patii. Patti is an unbelievable person. She puts everyone’s needs before her own and is truly the most unselfish person I have met in my life.

Patti met a lady while studying for her master’s degree in Theology. The two became friends and Patti finally learned that her friend’s husband was a veteran and needed a new kidney. His name is John. I’ve never met John, but I know he served our country proudly and has been on dialysis for over three years now. As Patti got to know his wife, she began to hear about the struggles of John’s life since his kidneys stopped functioning properly. He had no choice but to surrender his life to these machines. Ironically, he had also once done a prison ministry but had to quit due to his fading health. His entire life has been altered because of his failing kidneys and he can no longer do the things that once made him happy.

One day Patti decided to register herself to become an organ donor. They began to do all the testing that they do and found out that she was a perfect match for John! HOW CRAZY is that? She met this lady in theology school whose husband needed a kidney and she happened to match him perfectly?! It’s no coincidence. It’s God’s plan working out for both the lives of Patti and John.

From the time I met Patti on the Prison Tour, I’ve known she was going to be donating her kidney to John. This surgery has been scheduled 2 times before and for health issues has been rescheduled for this upcoming week. You see, if John gets even a cold or a sore throat, it’s highly unlikely that they can do the surgery. So, he and Patti have been really taking care of themselves to stay healthy so that the surgery will happen on Wednesday.

At the kidney shower, we are going to have food, we are going to tell jokes, laugh, pray, and just celebrate life. Because of Patti, John gets another chance at living his life. I was talking with Patti yesterday and this is what she said to me that I thought was SO beautiful.

She said, “Thank you for the prayers. I am at peace right now and my body is better than it usually is. Can you believe some of John’s friends sent me flowers today? People I have never met! God’s love is so life-giving…being a match for John has brought untold blessings in my life. All I want to do is be a good and faithful servant, listening to whatever call he has for me.”

What an amazing woman God has put into this world and my life! On a regular basis, I send her questions about my faith and the Bible. Questions that sound very child-like to me and she always says they are great questions and eagerly responds with 4 page, typed answers. She is helping me grow on my spiritual journey and I wanted you all to know a little bit about her.

I hope that you will keep Patti and John in your thoughts and prayers this week. I will be at the hospital lots this week and will keep you updated on how they are both doing.

Thank you for letting me share with you what was on my heart today.

I love you all!

And...

HAPPY KIDNEY SHOWER PATTI!

(Is that what I say? haha…..who knows!)

Julie

WELCOME TO MY BLOG PAGE!

2011-01-06T08:35:00.001-06:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2011-01-06T08:30:00.004-06:00

Can you believe it's the New Year already?
2010 has gone by so fast, it was almost a blur to me.

One of my New Year resolutions was to start a Blog for you all. I started one once before when I was on my tour in Australia but like most things I set up, I forgot my password, so I had to start a new one. It makes sense though, because I'm beginning a new season of my life!

I feel I have grown so much this past year! I think I'm smarter, more compassionate, maybe a little more organized (or I strive to be), stronger in my faith, and more determined than I've ever been.

I definitely feel smarter in business!
I've made some mistakes along the way but I keep hearing you have to do that to learn!
As the New Year begins I think I'm finally at my capacity for learning... and I’m ready to get this train moving forward!

I also just feel a whole lot smarter in life. Here's how…

I have learned to live in the moment more and enjoy each and every minute.
I have also learned to stop worrying about every little thing! I can't enjoy today if I'm worried about tomorrow.
I've learned, that to be at my best, I have to be doing what I was put on this earth to do. And I truly believe my purpose is to sing and make music for as many people as I can. Doing that makes me smile more than anything.
I've learned to accept that I cannot please everyone, but if I live a life that is pleasing to God then that’s all I expect from myself.
I've learned to surround myself with people that believe in my Me and my dreams, and to work with people that don't want to compromise who I am as an artist or as a person.
I've always known that material things are just that... they are material, and you can't take them with you to heaven and you aren't promised you will have them tomorrow! The May floods in Nashville taught me that! My family lost our home, most of our belongings, and our cars in the flood this year. My Mom, my sister, my dogs, and I were rescued from the strong, rushing waters of the Harpeth River. The flood took away our ‘things’ but not our 'faith', and it brought us closer than ever because we only had each other and that's all we really need anyway, right?
I've also learned, this past year, not to question God's plan for my life. This has taken many years to learn but I think that at the conclusion of 2010, I finally get it. God's timing is perfect and only He has the best plan for my life.

I could talk about so many things in this blog but I will just briefly touch on one...
As most of you know, I moved to Los Angeles two years ago to pursue acting. I took acting classes and actually spent almost a year working on the script for a movie based on my life. I HAD SO MUCH FUN OUT THERE! I loved my classes and all of the wonderful people I met, and that’s also where I found my dog Cosmo!!

In my mind, I planned to take my classes, film my movie, and release a new album. I thought I'd be back on the road and making enough money so Mama could quit her job and run my fan club from her new home with a big front porch! But God had different plans. Things kept happening to postpone the movie production, which postponed the release of my album, and you guys know that has postponed me starting up touring again. I was determined to stay out in Los Angeles until the movie got made but with all the delays there came a point where I just had to move back to Nashville. Time continued to pass and still no movie! And to make things more frustrating my record label would not release my new music without the movie. Because my new songs were going to be in the movie they thought a simultaneous release of both was the best thing to do.

It felt like nothing was going right. I prayed every night for God to help me and I read Matthew 6: 25-34 and Philippians 4:6-7 over and over again to ease my mind.

Then came the May flood…

At one point I didnt really know what to think. What was I supposed to do now? It felt like I had lost everything! But I actually learned that this was in fact God's answer to my prayers.

When the flood happened, so many people reached out to help my family… The Grand Ole Opry, MusicCares, my family and my friends. They all wanted to help us rebuild our home and our lives.

While I have the chance I want to say Thank You… for all of your prayers, and for every person that helped us clean up, gave us a place to stay, gave us food, gift cards, clothes, etc! Each and every one of you showed me what compassion is all about and my family will be forever grateful for you.

For the 6 months after the flood that I was out of my home, God gave me the resources to not only rebuild our life but also to keep my career ticking along. It was during this time that I began working with Jason Collum of Sorted Noise, one of the producers on my new album. Jason has been wonderful in so many ways, but one way that I am most appreciative is that he helped me continue working on my music. With all that we were going through with the flood he generously paid for the recording of 7 of my new songs. I am so thankful for Jason and Sorted Noise and WILL be paying him back soon! You have my word on that!

Marcus Hummon is another friend who has been so generous to me. He has also produced some of my songs for my upcoming album, he has guided me, offered advice, and directed me during this time of my life. And he has done it all free of charge. I am so grateful and I WILL pay him back too!

Thank you EVERYONE! I am so blessed to have so many angels in my life.

Some of you may not know, but another thing that happened the week of the flood was Mercury Records and I decided to go our separate ways. Boy, was my life taking a turn! I had dreamed since I was a little girl about having a record deal and now I was walking away from what God gave me in 2003. At the time I felt like it was the right thing to do, but I can’t lie, I still wake up some mornings wishing I had a record deal again.

Because they were not going to release a new album without the movie I decided I couldn't put my life on hold any longer. I have no hard feelings towards them at all, in fact it was most of the staff at Universal Music Group that came over to clean out my house after the flood! WOW! I could not believe it! I thought when we parted ways that the staff would never speak to me again and boy was I SO WRONG! They got on their hands and knees, in the dirt and mud at my flooded house, and helped us so much!! I love the staff at Universal Music Group with all my heart! Who knows, maybe we will get to work together again some day :)!!

So, as you can imagine, by the middle of May I was beginning to question what I'd done wrong in my life to make all this stuff happen. The answer was, nothing! I had done nothing wrong!

I'm not perfect, but God is not a punishing God and everything we go through in life is for a reason. I have a strong faith and I know in my heart He has a plan for me and He is unfolding it right in front of my eyes.

I tell you all this, not only to give you a closer look at my journey in this life but also to give you some insight on why it's taking me FOREVER to get you some new music. I've been working so hard on the music but all these circumstances combined have slowed down the process.

And… Now that I’m an Independent Artist I'm having to change the way I do business. I have been busy working on how to actually get my music to you all when it is ready and the same goes for planning a tour… trust me, I WANT TO BE PLAYING IN YOUR TOWNS too!

Also during 2010 God sent me a wonderful friend who is helping me with my day-to-day tasks. She is brilliant and another gift from God. She's helping me with everything creative, shows, business, and helping me get organized (and to remember my passwords) etc!! I hope that I work with her for the rest of my life.

I also have an amazing publicity team that has been working on my behalf for over a year now! These girls have a fire under them and are determined to help me achieve my goals!

So now I hope you understand why I said at the beginning of this blog…

“As the New Year begins I think I'm at my capacity for learning... I’m ready to get this train moving forward!”

This year, I am more determined to make my dreams happen. I have faith that they ARE going to come true. I am determined to get back on the road and get my new music out there to you because I am so proud of these new songs and I want you all to have them.

I live by faith and not sight so I can't see where this journey will take me next or what turns I have to make to achieve all of my dreams. But I have faith that God will direct my path and keep me headed in the right direction.

I want you all to know that I live every single day to open up my laptop and read the messages from you all on my Facebook and Myspace. You are a huge part of why I believe I can achieve my goals and my dreams. You understand me, and my music, in ways that I cant believe. You love the songs I choose and when I see you, you sing them back to me!! You make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me cry (good cries), and you make my life worth living.

I am so blessed to know you all and that you are in my life. May God bless you in this New Year and I pray that I will see you all soon!

One final note is for my Mama…

You are such a special woman! I am so blessed to call you "Mama" and call you my best friend. Thank you for letting me cry to you, for helping me continue to make music, for fighting for me, for being patient with me, and for always believing in my dreams. You WILL have that front porch one day and we will get that beach vacation in a tropical place! (two pina coladas!!)

Love you all more than you will ever know,

Julie